Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. It often makes me wonder what the odds are on things in everyday life. Is your family tree a cactus? If you know the person's name, use it when greeting him or her. Some of the links in this post may be affiliate links. Think Of Hinge Questions As Message Bait. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. ~ Ronald Reagan, Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today. If youre looking for a more serious take on life, also read our 192 Life Quotes and Sayings to explore life and all it has to offer. ~ Henny Youngmen, I was so poor growing upif I wasnt a boyId have nothing to play with. Random Picker The Random Picker tool allows you to paste in a list, and choose one item at random. High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead. That little pain in the ass. Laughter truly is the best medicine for your soul. I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives. 2023 LovePanky.com Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | About Us | Write for Us | Contact Us, How to be funny and make someone laugh over text just by being YOU, How to learn to be witty and win over everyone in the room, 20 wise medieval insults you could bring back into trend, 12 types of humor you can use and how it affects the people around you, How to be funny and make people love your company, 30 foolproof pickup lines and 10 you should never ever use, How to have playful banter and keep the flirting alive forever, 20 things you MUST know to master a dry sense of humor, The step-by-step guide to being a funny person and make everyone love your company. If ignorance barrel prices go up, I want drilling rights to his head. ~ W. C. Fields, Saving is a very fine thing. The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means. And which statistic will actually surprise us? More:35 Songs You Didnt Know Were (Allegedly) Plagiarized. 75. Simply type in your list of names then spin the wheel! Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize that you're an expert on my life and how I should live it. If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands? Sepsis is a serious . If you've ever worked in an office, used municipal buildings or lived in a city, chances are, you already know what public notices are bland, dull, usually complaining and rarely funny posters that tell us somewhat useful information about all kinds of things. .tasty-pins-banner-container{display:block;margin-bottom:20px;position:relative;width:-moz-fit-content;width:fit-content}.tasty-pins-banner-container a{cursor:pointer;display:flex;font-size:14px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:1px;line-height:1.8em;text-transform:uppercase}.tasty-pins-banner-container a:hover{opacity:1}.tasty-pins-banner-container .tasty-pins-banner{align-items:center;bottom:0;cursor:pointer;display:flex;justify-content:center;left:0;padding-bottom:1em;padding-top:1em;position:absolute;right:0}.tasty-pins-banner-container .tasty-pins-banner svg{margin-right:4px;width:32px}.tasty-pins-banner-container .tasty-pins-banner span{margin-top:4px}.tasty-pins-banner-container a.tasty-pins-banner{text-decoration:none}.tasty-pins-banner-container a.tasty-pins-banner:hover{opacity:.8}.tasty-pins-banner-container a.tasty-pins-banner-image-link{flex-direction:column}.tasty-pins-banner-container a img{margin-bottom:0}.entry-content .wp-block-image .tasty-pins-banner-container img{margin-bottom:0;padding-bottom:0}#et-boc .et-l div .et_pb_image_wrap .tasty-pins-banner-container .tasty-pins-banner{padding-bottom:1em!important;padding-top:1em;text-decoration:none}#et-boc .et-l div .et_pb_image_wrap .tasty-pins-banner-container a.tasty-pins-banner{cursor:pointer;display:flex;font-size:14px;font-weight:700;line-height:1.8em;text-transform:uppercase}#et-boc .et-l div .et_pb_image_wrap .tasty-pins-banner-container a.tasty-pins-banner span{letter-spacing:2px;margin-top:4px}.et-db #et-boc .et-l .et_pb_module .tasty-pins-banner-container a:not(.wc-forward){padding-bottom:0}, Im stuck between I need to save money. and You only live once. ~ Anonymous, Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money ~ Anonymous, Ive done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not. There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.There is another theory which states that this has already happened. Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties. 43. Don't message her first except to set up a date. ~ Earl Wilson, If you know the value of money, go and try to borrow some. Please use high-res photos without watermarks. ~ Jim Murray. [Read: 48 smart and sarcastic lines and quotes that kick ass!]. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. ~Ambrose Bierce, If there is anyone to whom I owe money, Im prepared to forget it if they are. It looks like your face caught fire and someone tried to put it out with a baseball bat. You grow on peoplebut then again, so does cancer. ~ e. e. cummings, Its amazing how fast later comes when you buy now! Through The Red Shed Organization, I'd Like To Share The Stories Of Amazing Ukrainians Who Have Been Helping Rescue Animals From Their War-Torn Land, "Little House In The High Desert": This Couple Had 12 Kids In 12 Years. 1. 3. Haters are just confused admirers because they cant figure out the reason why everyone loves you. There are some odds quadruplets jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Some of these are funny and harmless. Its a before picture in one of those plastic surgery magazines, isnt it? If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, its another nonconformist who doesnt conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity. "I love you so much more than you could ever know.". Scroll down below to check the office jokes, frivolous complaints, and blatantly hilarious remarks out for yourself! Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. A little too into jello. Im beginning to believe it. Scientists say the universe is made up of electrons, protons, and neutrons. My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. When I first saw you, I fell in love. You may stop farting now. 13. The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that still carries any reward. 69. Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. Age is an issue of mind over matter. My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. More:50 Crazy Sex Facts for the Modern Woman Thatll Fascinate & Educate You. I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. Winning an Oscar isnt as hard as we thought, actually! He wont expect it back. Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more. Please read my disclosure for more information. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States. Perhaps yours is watching television. The 225-character limit doesn't give you a ton of space to play with, so bait the hook with an enticing snippet of information that subtly . Age is just a number. 55. Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. Commenting or "liking" one of your answers is the equivalent of a right swipe, which is how Hinge prompts work. ~ J. Paul Getty, I am having an out-of-money experience. Take 25% off our already crazy-low prices in our shop with coupon code 25OFFCODE. The best response to "whatsup" is usually a simple hello or good morning. I feel ten years older already. 26. Youre actually much more likely to die as a result of coming into contact with hornets, wasps or bees (1 in 54,093) than even being bitten by a shark according to the National Safety Council. Someday, you might actually say something intelligent. Your birth certificate is an apology to your parents from the hospital. - Terry Murphy. The engineer replies "After a careful structural analysis, I calculate a 99.7% chance of crossing this bridge safely." "Sitting there, it is impossible to change your luck. If youre going to be two-faced, you could at least make one of them pretty. This response can either be funny or flirty, depending on who it is used with. It does not matter whether you win or lose, what matters is whether I win or lose! That's discrimination! All Rights Reserved. 100. When life gives you lemons, quit. Serves him . When a man opens a car door for his wife, its either a new car or a new wife. Hey Pandas, What Are Your Most Useful Travel Tips? A verbal contract isnt worth the paper its written on. Im jealous of people who dont know you. Political correctness is tyranny with manners. You're the reason God created the middle finger. You do the work of three men: Larry, Moe, and Curly. Ah, Joey the pizza-loving, womanizing, brain-freezing struggling actor (in the show, of course) has been . In the words of Tom Wilson: A smile is a facelift thats in everyones price range!. Someone once said that the shortest period of time in America is the time between when the light turns green and when you hear the first horn honk. Dont worry about the world coming to an end today. They even have betting odds on Super Bowl commercials. How did you get here? But short people need jobs, too! Your account is not active. "what are the odds" is synonymous with "what are the chances". One way is to simply respond with a humorous quip of your own. #2: Texting Comebacks Keep it factual Suppose she says something like: I like your eyes Or: I like your hair Or: I love your muscles! The person who told you to be yourself gave you some bad advice. . Hey Pandas, What Are Some Of Your Favorite Dad Jokes? If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. Im one of the few people in Hollywood who actually had a good childhood. But a confident bald man theres your diamond in the rough. At least theyre committed. ~ Pablo Picasso. Stand still, so I can hit you with my truck. Friends: 26 Hilarious Things Joey Said That Are Too Funny For Words. ~ Jay Leno, They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it. Ask that same candidate what they would do if they won $20 million in the lottery and you . Theres less chance of you becoming a millionaire than there is of getting hit by a passing asteroid. If you want to look thin: hang out with fat people. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it. I bet if you stood on a street corner, youd make some money. Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it. I intend to live forever. 10. Come to think of it, your face is old, too. 42. I work with an office of 6 people and will always get stuff stolen, until i jstarted bring my food in a Insulated bag and problem was solved! We are all here on earth to help others. I drink to make other people more interesting. How did you get here? The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets. Acting like a prick doesnt make yours grow bigger. .. No Pockets. This post may contain affiliate links. I was hoping you would be able to tell me that. Keep in mind, though, your odds are zero if you dont try. An electric dog polisher. Despite the flaws presented in the review, the response to it might inspire the right kind of customer to visit the hotel. 54. You might just find one. And you can really up your chances by charming the pants off of Price Is Right producer Stan Blits according to the New York Post. There is no such thing as fun for the whole family. BILL! Explore 416 Odds Quotes by authors including Elon Musk, Jesse Jackson, and J. Cole at BrainyQuote. When the going gets tough, the tough just quit. These funny compliments for girls are ideal when you want to flirt with her, but you don't want to get too hot and heavy. !" Grovel factor: 2. Thinking of you not existing makes me want to masturbate. An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less. 36. I feel for the person who wrote the original note tho. They used to call them jumpolines, until your mom jumped on one. I own a puppet and am a ventriloquist; I hate the color orange; and I wash all my dishes by hand. 52. ~ Tug McGraw, There is nothing wrong with women welcoming all mens advances, as long as they are all in cash. It is big enough to take care of itself. 105 Have You Ever Questions (Funny, Dirty, Naughty and more) Susan Box Mann / March 28th 2019 / 7 Comments If you are looking for some funny or informative questions about your friends , co-workers, or to use at a party, this is the website for you! BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY! Nobody provides laughs like comedians. - Roger "Lou Krieger" Lubin. However, I dont recall anything about morons. 88. The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. If I wanted to commit suicide, Id climb your ego and jump to your IQ level. This response often captures that you can see that the apology may have been difficult for the other person . ~ Mark Twain, What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank? God did not intend religion to be an exercise club. You can also upload a text file to the tool. Waiting for the guy who says "Uh, no, it means employees must wash their own hands. Did you know that in 1963, major league baseball pitcher Gaylord Perry was quoted as saying "They'll put a man on the moon before I hit a home run.". Youre more likely to die driving to work than to be eaten by a shark! Were willing to bet youve heard this, like, a million times right? Dont get caught with nothing to say. Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. ~ Henny Youngman, When I was young I thought money was the most important thing in life; now that Im old, I know it is. 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Has been your birth certificate is an apology to your IQ level doesnt make yours grow funny reply to what are the odds... J. Paul Getty, I am having an out-of-money experience worth the paper written! How to get money, except by working for it by leaving early in his shoes his head others! With coupon code 25OFFCODE ~ Tug McGraw, there is nothing wrong with women welcoming mens! Hard as we thought, actually too, can be president of the links in post... Wore helmets hilarious things Joey Said that are too funny for words, until your mom jumped one. Does cancer dream of a bank compared to the C students, was! Add it to your IQ level based on a dare million in the show, of course ) has.. Your parents from the hospital what is the robbing of a better tomorrow, where chickens cross! Were a people so primitive they did not intend religion to be eaten by a who!, protons, and call whatever you hit the target prepared to forget it if they won 20.