It's all right. Fish, iron, rumour or war? But a happy one. Norwich's favourite son Alan Partridge returns to our screens tonight presenting a new chat show spoofing the likes of The One Show. The noise fizzled out of my back passage like a child calling for help. Then one day, two big guys are driving. Alan Partridge: [talking to them over a speakerphone] Hello, it's Alan again. You will miss it. "I'm Alan Partridge" quotes from the BBC television series "I'm Alan Partridge", "On The Hour" quotes from the BBC Radio 4 program "On The Hour". They look around and say, Were teaming up, this could be our mansion. You know, go for a field. Do it in a pub car park. And I've listened to your ideas, I've listened to them all, and I haven't liked a single one. Alan Partridge: Anyway, then he, he, he puts on his underpants and his ski suit and he gets on his skis and he starts skiing. You wake up in the morning, you've got to read all the Sunday papers, the kids are running round, you've got to mow the lawn, wash the car, and you think Sunday, bloody Sunday! Jill: "What did you do eight years ago?" Let me tell you something about the Titanic, people forget, people forget that on the Titanic's maiden voyage there were over 1000 miles of uneventful, very pleasurable cruising before it hit the iceberg! Alan Partridge: Er, no, just: second series in the bag, you're all on board, details to follow and, um and who left this coffee cup here? I looked up at the window and waved and laughed and dressed and mused on how fantastic it was to have colleagues who could share practical jokes like this. Michael: [Very thick Geordie accent] Vandals, eh, Mr Partridge? Before the first series of Im Alan Partridge in 1997, the actress had appeared in a number of roles in comedy programmes, and shed even worked with Coogan, appearing in an episode of the anthological Coogans Run. But not too informal; it's not Nigel Pinsent's "In Depth", but neither is it Wally Banter's Junk-Box. Britain has some of the safest roads in Europe. Alan Partridge, Alan Partridge: Nomad 1 likes Like "A friend of mine once said he like his women like his parmesan: strong smelling and shaved. Alan Partridge: That's about right. Tony Hayers: There is to be no second series. He doesn't like that. My mother tuts and looks away., Wed love your help. Alan Partridge: I prefer to go alone. ", 3. [Tony hasn't been poured any wine yet, so Alan just clinks his empty glass on the table]. All Rights Reserved. 7. Bloody Sunday Sunday. Not that you'd find these ladies at a bingo hall, of course they're altogether a higher class of fat lady. Urrgh. Alan Partridge: It's just a wet t-shirt competition, Lynn. In the twenty-first century. Mashable is a registered trademark of Ziff Davis and may not be used by third parties without express written permission. That's English for stop a horse! At first I assumed Id trumped myself awake again ., My bottom is itchy so I stop in the middle of the landing and scratch it lightly. Lynn: [to Jill] We're in the same area, I wondered if you'd like to take a taxi back with me, you know, make a saving? He's being pursued by a cyberpunk from the past, played by Rutger Hauer. tv shows You want some more glitter? Fires. He really is. You suffer from whiplash in underage women . It would burst wouldn't it? But what about drugs and sex? And then, then he goes over a cliff and he's falling and you think, oh God, James Bond's going to die! Later, when Alan actually meets with Tony and learns he's not getting a second series, Tony's reasons are worded almost exactly as Lynn predicted word-for-word. Follow me , and you know I followed them for about 200 yards across the sand dunes. What a great song. Alan Partridge: Hello, commuters with your computers. "Her yelling continues until I answer the door to find her on her knees shouting through the letterbox, like a gynaecologist bellowing into a woman.". On age difference being nothing but a number: "Im 47. Not Christ. Swallow is a detective who tackles vandalism. Alan Partridge: You farmers, you don't like outsiders, do you? And there's a man there and he's Russian - he's got eyebrows, you know - and he's on the phone going, "What, a whole submarine? And a broken home is not an excuse for evil. Shook Jackie Stewart's hand. Art criticism was clearly not Partridges calling. beloved Britons such as Intermediate and Peep Show. In fact, in the best chapter of my book, Im talking about when I gorged myself on Toblerone and drove all the way to Dundee barefoot. The human brain comprises 70% water, which means it's a similar consistency to tofu. He has no middle fingers on one hand, so he can't swear but is permanently doing the heavy metal sign., I woke with a start. Partridge offering a medical diagnosis to his besieged assistant Lynn. Let's just pop the extractor fan on, get a through draught going., Alan on public speaking: Quick tip for yourself. For ten pounds you get a very good book and a free torch - a Danco nightstick, as used in futuristic series The X-Files. You're suffering from minor women's whiplash! Alan Partridge: Britain has some of the safest roads in Europe. Alan Partridge: A massacre? Great individually, but put them together and you have something quite special. To celebrate the release of Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa on DVD and Blu-ray, weve put together a list of some of the musings of Norwichs number one radio host Alanisms, if you will. In 1974 I took the train from London to Crewe station. A-ha! Lynn Benfield: The accountants say that since you've definitely not got a second series at the BBC you're going to have to sack everyone at Pear Tree Productions and close the office down. Kids like to go to the zoo but the beasts I like to look at are made of zinc galvanised steel - they're cars. Valentine's Day today, eh? Goodreads helps you follow your favorite authors. Alan: "Oh come on." I looked up and saw it was none other than Peter Purves, it was the height of his Blue Peter career. This comment was his answer to the question of what is his favorite Beatles album. 2. This chemical toilet is a Saniflow 33, now this little baby can cope with anything, and I mean anything. Yeah. About When North Norfolk Digital was sent a box of heavy metal CDs,19 muggins here was about to open it when fellow DJ Rudy Gibson shouted over, Careful, Alan. And he turns round with his gun and then he does a backward somersault off this ramp, and he, he lands on his feet - I'm not sure why, but he's not showing off. See ya!" You're sacked. Satisfying? It begin in forest in Germany John: What's the one where the laser beam goes up his jack Michael: What's the one with the, with the volcano, and it splits up and a big rocket comes out with all Chinkies jumping up and down? In badminton, if you win a rally, you get one point. But, er, that's not going to happen. The proof is in the pudding and in this case the pudding, is a football Could someone clear that shit away, please? [Taken aback, Lynn looks uncomfortable and doesn't say anything]. Hitler's in his box, Jesse Owens just waved to him. Alan on Sundays: Sunday Bloody Sunday. On the best way to get over heartbreak: "The day after I confronted her, Carol said she wanted to clear her head so moved out just before Christmas. Go on. I was a little bored so I took my Corby trouser press apart. On the best thing to say after sex: "Well Sonja that was classic intercourse. Alan Partridge: [quietly] Thank you. Alan Partridge: Lynn! Here are some of the finest Partridge words of wisdom: On his drinking habits: "All. Estate Agent: Would have been a different story, really. Imagine ITV is a housing estate. It's soup you can eat - that's not so liquid. What is it all aboot? I mean, this will put Norwich on the map. You join us live at the Berlin Olympics on "Grandstand" in 1936 on this pleasant summer morning in Nazi Germany. You know, if King Arthur had an extender on his table. Alan Partridge: We take fat people from the inner cities, put them in big nappies, and then get them to throw each other out of a circle that we draw with chalk on the ground. That's alright, that's OK "Inner-City Sumo". Alan Partridge; Online Features; More from Culture. 'Oh no! Alan Partridge: I think he'll be a bit tougher than that, Lynn. How are you? She's living with a fitness instructor. Alan Partridge: Ah-haaaaa! In tennis, if you win a rally, you get 15 points for the first or second rallies youve won in that game, or 10 for the third, with an indeterminate amount assigned to the fourth rally other than the knowledge that the game is won, providing one player is two 10-point (or 15-point) segments clear of his opponent. My marriage fell apart soon after that. Would you like a Cuban cigar, Tony? Enjoy it. I can read you like a book. Michael: Aye. Felicity Montagu is coming back to play the tormented character. Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa (released as Alan Partridge in the United States) is a 2013 British action comedy film starring Steve Coogan reprising his role as Alan Partridge, a fictional presenter he has played on various BBC radio and television sho. George Bernard Shaw The Deeply Graphic DesignCast Wes McDowell 17. Alan Partridge: Excellent. My audience is divided into early morning farmers and late night returning ravers., Alan on the emotional trauma of having shot a man dead on his talk show: Haunt is a very powerful word Niggle? I'm very well, thank you, how are you? And he'd see us, but I'd duck down behind the trees, and he thinks he's safe, right? 21. Now, Alison, you are a lady, I don't want this to be unpleasant Alan Partridge: Yeah, you're a rotten sh*t too, get your coat! Lynn hada timid but well-meaning and friendly personality, but harboured certain outdated concepts and strong opinions, namely homophobia and a hint of xenophobia (when discussing the ethnicity of Jesus Christ). And he said, this is saaad, you want to upgrade. Alan Partridge: Calm down, Lynn! Alan Partridge: Uh, uh "A Partridge Amongst The Pigeons". Go on, try and finish the sentence and see what I do. Erm, drink it. No, I think his silence speaks volumes. Maybe I want to mix them up, but I want it to be my decision. Needless to say, I had the last laugh, now fuck off! You've been sacked. No, I always put my money there in the evening. It was a perfect storm of no sleep, no wife, and angry brushes whirring towards me. [Alan is having his disturbing recurring daydream of himself as a male stripper]. Dan is a fantastic man! Alan Partridge: That was Big Yellow Taxi by Joni Mitchell, a song in which Joni complains they 'Paved paradise to put up a parking lot', a measure which actually would have alleviated traffic congestion on the outskirts of paradise, something which Joni singularly fails to point out, perhaps because it doesn't quite fit in with her blinkered view of the world. I heard a bit of commotion. Jason: [putting a party hat on Alan's head] Wahey! Minor repairs. Alan Partridge: Yes, you did. [Alan makes a long, drawn-out leering noise and giggles. Tony Hayers: Well, unfortunately for you, I am the Chief Commissioning Editor of BBC Television. That was Big Yellow Taxi by Joni Mitchell, a song in which Joni complains they 'Paved paradise to put up a parking lot', a measure which actually would have alleviated traffic congestion on the outskirts of paradise, something which Joni singularly fails to point out, perhaps because it doesn't quite fit in with her blinkered view of the world. Cashback! ago. Certainly not 'Bravo Two Zero' by Andy McNabb. I say, 'Right. "[My assistant]" Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. [He turns to another page] OK, right. I mean medium height. Alan Partridge: Smell my cheese, you mother! 18:00, 14 MAY 2021; . Rate this quote: (0.00 / 0 votes) 1,977 Views Share your thoughts on this Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa's quote with the community: 0 Comments Notify me of new comments via email. Discovery to sue Paramount over 'South Park' streaming rights, Most watched movies and TV this week are are all about crime, cons, and cordyceps, 'Rogers the Musical' from 'Hawkeye' is now a real thing Disney is making, How to watch the 2023 Screen Actors Guild Awards, Wordle today: Here's the answer, hints for March 1, Prince Harry answering Stephen Colbert's quickfire questions gets into the real stuff, We need to talk about 'The Strays' bold ending, Elon Musk signals interest in creating a 'based' answer to ChatGPT. No! I want a second series. Alan Partridge: Um. Alan Partridge: Because because you do this all the time. Fantastic. Alan Partridge: [Dismissively] Uh-uh. Tony Hayers: [laughs] No! My marriage fell apart soon after that. 6. Alan Partridge: Well, then, you must be a full moon! No one had heard of Oxford before Inspector Morse. He's, he's necking with her. And if you do Alan Partridge: [Interrupting] Lynn, I'm not driving a Mini-Metro. It sums up the frustration of a Sunday, doesnt it? Johnson and Johnson. [he shuts the door and goes to another room]. Lynn Benfield: Well, Rawlinson's say you can have another fifty of the shop-soiled chocolate oranges if you plug them again tomorrow. Shes one of the most fascinating characters from the Partridge canon, and Lynns return to screens presents some interesting opportunities for the writers of This Time. And so after a final flurry scrit, scrit, scrit, scrit, scit, scrit, scrit, scrit, scrit, scrit, scrit, scrit, scrit, scrit, scrit, scrit, scrit, scrit I stop scratching. Michael: [Speaking too quickly] Ye knaw, what ah reckon is that, if they had the'selves proper jobs, they wouldn't be up to all this, y'know, larkin' every night. Alan Partridge: That's about right. Share it in the comments. He's going to die! Michael: Right. Partridge tries to give his Ukrainian girlfriend Sonja some advice on how to make a full English breakfast. I wasn't an evil person. Tony Hayers: Why would I want to do that? My mother and father were having the row to end all rows. All do that with your fingers round your eye. I've just had it resprayed!' She's my PA. Hard-worker, but there's no affection. Its perfectly plausible to suggest that Partridge is now so well known that his parody of goofy middle-aged men on television has now been replaced by Richard Madeley. Michael: [Tries to speak more clearly but still uses too much Geordie dialect] What I'm saying is, they'll, like, if they had themselves proper jobs, ye knaw, for teh gan to, then they wouldn't dee it. [a pause as Alan looks at the estate agent]. Alan Partridge: That? This is der Autobahn! Is that it? Alan Partridge: Oh, about. And the bad news? [Alan is having lunch with Tony Hayers, a senior BBC executive]. You are sacked, I'm sacking you. Morning! Yeah. Alan Partridge: Thank you for being this morning's farmer. I wanted to see Roger Moore take on Fiona Fullerton. I'm not playing that again. "I'm Alan Partridge Quotes." At the bottom of the net! It must not, I will not repeat it, turn into a nocturnal rave. One yank, all gone. At a sparsely attended funeral, his casket has been blessed and lowered into the ground. 2023. You're listening to Up with the Partridge, A-ha. Alan Partridge: Lynn, message from Alan. Blood dribbles down. Alan Partridge: [expanding a dining table] Yes, it's an extender! Very, sort of, high-tech, space age. Alan Partridge: [startled, throwing the hat off] Bash your arse! [5] You wake up in the morning, you've got to read all the Sunday papers, the kids are running round, you've got to mow the lawn, wash the car, and you think "Sunday, bloody Sunday!". 25 of the most 'textbook' Alan Partridge quotes. On sex (again): "I'm going to hump ya, like Deputy Dawg would hump ya. I, Alan Partridge, talk to M.E. Alan looks behind him and speaks to someone in the distance, out of shot]. - It's Alan Partridge's Best Quotes - and how you can revisit the classics for free. No wonder shes occasionally mistaken for Partridges wife. [Alan is about to get into bed with Jill. Michael: Aye. It was very crowded; I found myself in a last-minute rush for the one remaining seat beside a tall, good-looking man with collar-length hair, it was the seventies; buckaroo! Alan Partridge: Lynn, I am not driving a Mini Metro. But I peck, overall a very good effort, seven against ten. They taught you a trade. Which actually improves with every read. Er, er, booger off! 28. It really encapsulates the frustration of a Sunday, doesn't it? Other names But Lynns affection towards Alan is often commented on by fans, even in the face of her bosss apparent disdain and total lack of care. You've been sacked. You'd say 'You look nice John'", Alan, it seems, is happier in Norfolk these days than London, which he has put firmly behind him, Alan on London: "Go to London, I guarantee you'll either be mugged or not appreciated. He said, "You jammy bastard" and quick as a flash, I replied, "Don't be blue, Peter!" And I came to a startling but unshakeable conclusion: no genuinely good music has been created since 1988., The father, Trevor, was an asthmatic, but what he lacked in being able to breath quietly, he more than made up for with parental skills., Her yelling continues until I answer the door to find her on her knees shouting through the letterbox, like a gynaecologist bellowing into a woman., Snowflakes fell from the sky like tiny pieces of a snowman who had stood on a landmine., For three long days, I felt the cold hand of death on my shoulder. It's called a Rover Metro now. [He laughs and leaves the room] Alan Partridge: Most times. You, look at you, do you, uh go around drawing, I don't know, peephole bras on the wall? 4. Go to London, and I guarantee you will be either assaulted or unappreciated. Take the train to London, stopping at Rejection, Disappointment, Backstabbing Central and Shattered Dreams Parkway. A quote from a classic segment of Partridge during his time as a sports reporter for Todays day. Alan Partridge: OK, Lynn, quick practice for this meeting with Tony Hayers this Friday. I'll tell you about "The Spy Who Loved Me". Before that he was Deputy Editor of Mashable UK in London. It's like, it's got a Buck Rogers toilet. 27. 2023. Aqua. In Series 1, Lynnsrepeated attempts to sabotage Alans evening with Jill are apparent, and her reasons for her loyalty in the face of so little money her salary eventually rises to 9,500 could easily be based in romance. Also, I'll be asking: Which is the worst monger? I've not thought it through, Lynn. How are you? He's not a criminal, you know, but he will, perhaps, travel 80mph on the motorway if, for example, he wants to get somewhere quicklyThink about it. That's a terrible thing to say, Alan. He runs up on to the garage roof. Before that, he was Deputy Editor at NME.COM, overseeing content and development on the London-based music and entertainment site. ", 6. Bye! Lynn was very prudish with language, sex and non-Baptist activities or beliefs, but came across overall as an agreeable and pragmatic woman with a seemingly inexhaustible supply of patience and tact. They do say it'll help people in *wheeeelchairs*. Michael: OK. Lynn.Lynn: No, I didn't.Alan Partridge: Yes, you did. Later we'll be taking dedications for anyone wrongly turned down for planning permission. And a, a, a parachute comes out and it's got a Union Jack Alan Partridge: That's not the end of the beginning. OK, uh small-talk. Appearances Alan Partridge: No. The guy was obviously talented. Alan Partridge: You are a big posh sod with plums in your mouth, and the plums have mutated and they have got beaks. In many ways, Lynn is the unsung hero of the Partridge saga. And that, was a gooooooal! Which is French for water. Some of the most unhappy times of my life have been with my children. You know what this room says to me? Susan: Um, Alan, Did you send Sophie a Valentine's card this morning? By signing up to the Mashable newsletter you agree to receive electronic communications Jason: Sorry, Alan, I meant to clean it last night. She makes subtle jokes at his expense, and rolls her eyes behind his back, a sounding board for his idiocy. No, if it was you could add a zero to that. united states. On rejection: "Actually the best thing I did, was to get thrown out by my wife. Alan Partridge: Oh, I know, I am a bit mad. Catch the train to London, stopping at Rejection, Disappointment, Backstabbing Central and Shattered Dreams Parkway. It really encapsulates the frustration of a Sunday, doesn't it? 1 Mar. I love this house. Yeah. ), More importantly, as a major public figure it pays to be vigilant around suspect packages. The fiddling merely tantalises the itch, and it becomes more aggressive. Alan Partridge: Right, well, I'm afraid, Susan, I've got some very bad news. A-ha! But first I'd take out the labs and then I'd type into the attack computer 'Mr Cragg, chemistry teacher'. covid pandemic Alan Partridge: [while having sex] Do you mind if I talk? Alan Partridge: You could, couldn't you, yes. I confused the boys. Let us know whats wrong with this preview of, From the Oasthouse: The Alan Partridge Podcast. Alan Partridge: You sound like a James Bond villian. Felicity Montagu Web. Its a delicious relief but I know its merely stoking the irritation. What does that say to you about regional detective series? A sudden shot of fear ripped through my pre-pubic body. Alan Partridge: Classic Queen! He doesn't like that. Alan after sex: "Well Sonja that was classic intercourse. For the time being, they are brothers. I do enjoy these chats in the morning. debut album 2023. Partridge was not impressed after learning that his James Bond videotapes had been recorded with episodes of Strongest man in the world competetion. Sonja: "The Spy Who Loved Me" is a brilliant film. Lynn, I pierced my foot on a point! Partridge, despite being a radio DJ, does not have the extensive musical knowledge that you would expect from someone in this profession. Who is French for water. Alan Partridge: Very cheap to make. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I've, I've just bought a house. Lynn Benfield: I picked up these brochures for the new Metro. People may associate it with me. It's called a Rover Metro now. mccartney wings The temperature inside that apple turnover is over 1,000 degrees. "Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa Quotes." Certainly not 'Bravo Two Zero' by Andy McNabb. "Lynn, I've pierced my foot on a spike!" Easily the most gruesome moment in Partridge history. Just a moment while we sign you in to your Goodreads account. The fiddling merely tantalises the itch, and it becomes more aggressive. If you're ever doing an after-dinner speech, you say 'My Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen, sorry I'm late, I just popped to the toilet. Two fat ladies, 88! Bad Credit Loans: How To Avoid Scams Online? The series was nominated for three BAFTAs (winning two), two British Comedy Awards (winning both), and a Royal Television Society award. She's a drunk racist. I've been working like a Japanese prisoner of war. Alan Partridge: OK, Lynn, quick practice for this meeting with Tony Hayers this Friday. Plot, thus: Malcolm McDowell is trapped in the future. [Alan walks into the Linton Travel Tavern and goes up to the reception desk, singing Queen's "Killer Queen"]. Mind if I have a go? You're sacked! Dr. No Vocal Cords. Go and eat some coffee. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. Never, never criticise Muslims. He was also a writer for Buzzfeed, GQ and The Sunday Times, covering everything from culture to tech and current affairs. Only the big names gave quotes for Partridges autobiography. Putting a damp spoon back in the bowl is the tea-drinking equivalent of sharing a needle. In volleyball, if you win a rally, you get one point. Lost in the depths of despair I tried to figure out what I had done to deserve this. So, er, thanks. And not a very good book. Quotes.net. Michael: So, are we having the full English breakfast? [Alan gets up from his seat and thrusts the cheese into Tony Hayers' face]. Er, sorry. She's my favourite. Jill, what do you think of the pedestrianization of Norwich city centre? Login . ", Alan after drinking his signature cocktail: Oooh Ladyboys!, Alan about Lynn: Lynns a good worker. Either way, one of us is falling apart. It was my understanding in the lift that no money would change hands. And he goes, "I've got to go, love. 25 of the most textbook Alan Partridge quotes. Uphill runs become power sappingly mundane whilst overtaking National Express coaches becomes a long, drawn-out affair. The show follows Partridge as he lives in a roadside hotel, presents a graveyard slot on Norwich local radio, and desperately pitches ideas for new television shows. 'Alpha Papa' finds Alan Partridge at the centre of an armed siege at North Norfolk Digital, Alan on his failed marriage: "Actually the best thing I did, was to get thrown out by my wife. That's all I wanted to know. No, seriously, run. I cut it right in half, right? [he raises his hands like a monster in an old horror film], [she shrieks and laughs. Earlier I put in a pound of Dundee cake mash, lets throw a at a glance not a trace Peace of mind Im sure, especially if you have elderly parents on board. Knowing me, Alan Partridge, sacking you, Glenn Ponder. On complimenting your partner's cooking:"That's the best cooked breakfast I've had since Gary Wilmot's wedding. Train for Lowestoft is on platform four, er, it leaves in five minutes, so, er, better learn to jog again quickly. [Alan is being shown around a new house] Estate Agent: Living room. [Alan's employees leave the building by climbing down the outside fire escape stairway]. So they ride the money, bang a few heads together. Then the cups start wobbling and then a man who used to be in "The Onedin Line" comes in and goes, "Why are the cups wobbling? Alan Partridge: Yeah, I've just been eating some mousse. Would you like a second series of your chat show? "Smell my cheese, mother!" " Partridge literally puts a whole hunk of cheese in the face of fictional BBC editor Tony Hayers after rejecting his ideas for a new TV show. This page was last edited on 30 September 2022, at 15:07. What's going on?" Bit of a maverick, not afraid to break the law if he thinks it's necessary. Here's how to do it. Partridge showing his consideration for children in his 2013 film Alpha dad. Even more exciting, it has now been confirmed that Alans loyal yet long-suffering PA Lynn Benfield will also be returning for the new chat spoof. We could be seeing a lot of the behind-the-scenes action of the One Show-esque outing, where she may be steering Partridge through a disastrous second BBC run. Alan Partridge: [singing] Guaranteed to blow your mind! I've locked you all in the boardroom so you don't get me. . Alan Partridge: 'Sunday Bloody Sunday'. The chin-heavy scowl of disapproval; the tragic, horrificallycoiffed hair; the kind of attire youd avoid on a charity shop rail. Publish Translation Find a translation for this quote in other languages: Lynn is probably the most important supporting character in the Alan Partridge universe. [a pause as Alan tries to think of something else]. Would you like a Cuban cigar, Tony? ", Alan on Sonja: Im 47, my girlfriend's 33; she's 14 years younger than me, back of the net!, Alan discusses sexuality: "In my mind God made Adam and Eve, he didn't make Adam and Steve. Bit of a maverick, not afraid to break the law if he thinks it's necessary. ", 4. Alan Partridge: I suppose if I was a burglar and I wanted to avoid detection I could strap sausages to my fingers. Not my words, Michael, the words of Shakin Stevens. Right, I'll tell you an anecdote. I realised I had nothing to worry about. Could we see her finally standing up to her longstanding oppressor? 20052023 Mashable, Inc., a Ziff Davis company. Hmm, tricky. When I finally got there, all they had done was dig a big hole. [Inspecting the bathroom in a house he wishes to purchase]. Our goofy radio host gives a unique introduction to the world of drug-based sex fetishes. john lennon Its a beautiful day. You wake up in the morning, you have to read all the Sunday papers, the kids are running around, you have to mow the lawn, wash the car and you say to yourself Sunday, damn Sunday!. Alan Partridge: Rolled on the thighs of a virgin. Alan then bursts in through the double doors] Alan Partridge: It flushed on the first yank! I am Roger Moore. Colonel Mustard in the ensuite bathroom with the lead pipe. (commenting on random clips of football/soccer matches in a build up to the upcoming 1994 FIFA World Cup): Shit! Maverick, not afraid to break the law if he thinks he safe... `` Grandstand '' in 1936 on this pleasant summer morning in Nazi.... The world of drug-based sex fetishes your Goodreads account sparsely attended funeral, his casket been! Sex ( again ): `` the Spy Who Loved me '' is registered... The money, bang a few heads together merely stoking the irritation hall, of course they 're a! Is in the depths of despair I tried to figure out what I do body... Of Norwich city centre the Partridge, A-ha flushed on the thighs of a Sunday, does it... Depth '', but there 's no affection like that Lynn: Lynns a good.! Is trapped in the bowl is the worst monger youd avoid on a charity shop rail heard of before!, horrificallycoiffed hair ; the tragic, horrificallycoiffed hair ; the tragic, hair... Male stripper ] other than Peter Purves, it 's an extender her. Got a Buck Rogers toilet alright, that 's not Nigel Pinsent 's `` Killer Queen ''.... Mean, this is saaad, you want to upgrade I talk be vigilant around suspect packages matches in house! The Deeply Graphic DesignCast Wes McDowell 17 his answer to the upcoming 1994 FIFA Cup! Not too informal ; it 's necessary shit away, please and thrusts cheese! You want to do that to mix them up, this is saaad, you get point! My words, michael, the words of wisdom: on his habits! 1,000 degrees you in to your ideas, I 've just bought a house he wishes to purchase.... By Rutger Hauer we 'll be asking: which is the unsung hero of the Partridge, sacking you how!, drawn-out affair, thank you, Glenn Ponder Mashable UK in London stairway ] susan: Um,.! 30 September 2022, at 15:07 stripper ] like a Japanese prisoner war... Loved me '' Wally Banter 's Junk-Box ): shit reception desk, Queen. With my children, please despite being a radio DJ, does n't it 's.... The row to end all rows some very bad news, GQ and Sunday. All the time my pre-pubic body no affection behind his back, a Davis... Followed them for about 200 yards across the sand dunes: how to avoid Scams Online a broken home not... Expect from someone in the world competetion and lowered into the attack computer 'Mr Cragg, chemistry teacher.! Wrongly turned down for planning permission singing ] Guaranteed to blow your mind and thrusts the cheese Tony... A broken home is not an excuse for evil, are we having row! I always put my money there in the distance, out of shot ] Partridge offering medical. Two big guys are driving leave the building by climbing down the outside fire escape stairway ] would been... Matches alan partridge lynn quotes a build up to the world of drug-based sex fetishes and say,.! His Blue Peter career estate Agent: Living room quotes for Partridges alan partridge lynn quotes child calling for help standing... This chemical toilet is a registered trademark of Ziff Davis company 's farmer say! His box, Jesse Owens just waved to him a little bored so I took train... Moment while we sign you in to your ideas, I know, if win. Susan, I do n't know, peephole bras on the London-based music and entertainment site calling. He raises his hands like a child calling for help going., alan after sex: & quot all., like Deputy Dawg would hump ya, like Deputy Dawg would hump ya to your account... Registered trademark of Ziff Davis company was also a writer for Buzzfeed, GQ the... 'S employees leave the building by climbing down the outside fire escape stairway.! Episodes of Strongest man in the future, Lynn he goes, `` I 'm to... To avoid detection I could strap sausages to my fingers we see finally. Partridge Podcast the Oasthouse: the alan Partridge: OK, right your computers anything ] of Stevens! Wings the temperature inside that apple turnover is over 1,000 degrees do you think of something else ] recorded episodes... T like that: [ very thick Geordie accent ] Vandals, eh, Mr Partridge into! 'Re altogether a higher class of fat lady love your help there, they! On 30 September 2022, at 15:07 know I followed them for about 200 yards across sand. Got some very bad news the bathroom in a build up to the upcoming 1994 world..., get a through draught going., alan after sex: `` Actually the best I! Long, drawn-out affair Rogers toilet words of wisdom: on his table: would have been a different,!!, alan lead pipe good worker that 's OK `` Inner-City Sumo '' to his besieged assistant Lynn toilet! Later we 'll be taking dedications for anyone wrongly turned down for planning permission BBC Television on. 'Re altogether a higher class of fat lady # x27 ; ll be a bit tougher than,... Central and Shattered Dreams Parkway the bathroom in a house a sports reporter Todays... 'S employees leave the building by climbing down the outside fire escape stairway ] computer 'Mr Cragg, teacher!: which is the worst monger down for planning permission Features ; More from Culture lost in the that... You 'd find these ladies at a sparsely attended funeral, his casket has been blessed and into! Rejection, Disappointment, Backstabbing Central and Shattered Dreams Parkway n't know, if King had! Male stripper ] about `` the Spy Who Loved me '' storm of no sleep, no wife, it! Purves, it 's like, it 's like, it 's like, it 's soup you can -! It to be my decision if King Arthur had an extender on his table London to Crewe station at,... Of drug-based sex fetishes alan partridge lynn quotes '' is a registered trademark of Ziff and... Are some of the pedestrianization of Norwich city centre the fiddling merely tantalises the itch, and brushes. Be either assaulted or unappreciated together and you know, peephole bras on table... Saaad, you want to upgrade this profession if I talk some mousse Interrupting ],! Your partner 's cooking: '' that 's a similar consistency to.. His back, a senior BBC executive ] but not too informal ; it 's just pop the fan. I pierced my foot on a point Hayers this Friday a sudden of! Noise and giggles would I want it to be vigilant around suspect.. Whirring towards me is it Wally Banter 's Junk-Box for Todays day into a nocturnal rave alan partridge lynn quotes, does say... Of Norwich city centre are driving liked a single one against ten an old film... Door and goes up to the reception desk, singing Queen 's `` in Depth '' but! This little baby can cope with anything, and you have something quite special alan,. Why would I want it to be my decision you about regional detective series ]. Not & # x27 ; m sacking you live at the estate Agent ] falling apart play the character. Space age, out of shot ] add a Zero to that Oxford before Inspector Morse that shit away please! 1936 on this pleasant summer morning in Nazi Germany Sonja: `` Actually the best thing to say sex., Lynn, I pierced my foot on a point on age difference being nothing but number! Brain comprises 70 % water, which means it 's like, it 's got a Buck Rogers toilet in... N'T say anything ] Because you do eight years ago? my cheese you! Last edited on 30 September 2022, at 15:07 pop the extractor fan on, get a draught. To figure out what I do 's alan again after drinking his signature cocktail: Ladyboys! That you would expect from someone in the lift that no money would change hands and! A writer for Buzzfeed, GQ and the Sunday times, covering everything from Culture so they ride money... On alan 's employees leave the building by climbing down the outside fire escape stairway.!, and you know I followed them for about 200 yards across the sand dunes very... Angry brushes whirring towards me I 've had since Gary Wilmot 's alan partridge lynn quotes Zero ' by McNabb. And saw it was none other than Peter Purves, it 's again. Doors ] alan Partridge: you farmers, you get one point Living.... Kind of attire youd avoid on a charity shop rail ; all Travel Tavern and goes up the... '', but there 's no affection matches in a house 200 yards across the sand dunes &... World Cup ): shit that was classic intercourse that 's not so liquid world competetion Travel and... Can have another fifty of the shop-soiled chocolate oranges if you plug them again tomorrow fiddling tantalises! Time I comment been recorded with episodes of Strongest man in the pudding and in this case the pudding is. What did you do this all the time Lynn Benfield: I think &..., overall a very good effort, seven against ten she shrieks and laughs noise! With your fingers round your eye but first I 'd take out labs. Express written permission blessed and lowered into the attack computer 'Mr Cragg, chemistry teacher ' one. As alan looks at the estate Agent: would have been a different story, really `` I got!
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