He or she has lost respect for you as a romantic partner and lost faith in your capabilities. What Colors Make Blue Food Coloring Blue? The self-fulfilling prophecy ordeal happens when the BPD suspects you will leave her and then because it get to be "just too much" for you to handle, you do leave her, fulfilling the prophecy. And theyll use it as ammo to blast your arms off. Yeah she's toxic and all but they are too and made shit worse. Back then, I was a stupid, trustworthy, horny 24-year old. Then poof! I almost went to jail because of her psychosis and impulsive violent behavior. I dont want her back but dont want to be hated either. But I was in love. Domestic violence laws aren't the problem, they need to be expanded and equal through the genders. Often, the borderline person is unaware of how they feel when their feelings surface, so they displace their feelings onto others as causing them. In this moment the person with BPD sees everything as bad in the triggering person as if they caused them to feel this way. It may sound disrespectful to everyone suffering from this condition, but the truth is that negative actionswhether theyre caused by illness or some negative event cant be justified. Thank you Zan, I will never forget you and your care. A wife who is bipolar or otherwise emotionally volatile can be very destructive. This website is using a security service to protect itself from online attacks. Marsha Lineham (the inventor of DBT) had BPD herself I do not consider you to be bad people and a true and good therapist would not either. your notes helped me a lot. Your exs relationship mentality, thinking patterns, and perceptions also caused the breakup as they precipitated a strong emotional reaction in your ex and caused detachment. She was cheating on me for over a year, with a number of guys (which I got to know just know). This is exactly the reason the BPD splitting destroys relationships. Such people cant be reasoned with, so they shouldnt be dating until they gain control over their thoughts and actions. Youre too close to diagnose someone and only psychiatrists can do so. He might cheat. Best cheat first.. What the hell is this? Wow, makes me think of my ex was but he was not this extreme. No Psychologist worth their salt would ever recommend diagnosing or attempting to diagnose an ex. She had already destroyed our entire family by this point, and she never even got the treatment! I hope this message and some advice from other people somewhat helps you friend X Quote Evanescent C Clarabellstar Well-known member Joined Oct 19, 2015 I feel like this pain is bottomless I just want to move on but Im so broken up, the way she did it all destroyed my mental health, my career, relationships with everyone. A rather brutal statement when these are conditions you may have to live with for the rest of your life. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. Your ex-wife had Borderline Personality Disorder, and you dont have that disorder. This convinced her that I really did cheat on her. Many people with BPD dont even know they have BPD. first off, borderlines are mostly hyperaware of everything they think, ffeel, and do. Im in relationship limbo at the moment but I like to think the best of my BPD bf. Thats why the first thing you must do immediately after the breakup is to accept the breakup. 1) What is a borderline personality disorder? They convinced your bpd gf ypu were going to cheat! I had to cook or organize food. The borderlines partner can feel blamed for being the problem. If my friends would all be telling me that whatever my partner is doing is wrong, I would have serious doubts as well. Your ex was the one responsible for staying in love with you and for dealing with BPD. And then it all started. I know this sounds ridiculous, but lots of people (not just borderline) think they need extremely low points in a relationship to appreciate the highs. People usually see their partner in the best possible light during the honeymoon stage of the relationship. It does not make us monsters. How she had a great career path, then it got destroyed due to her abusive and jealous husband. It's been less than a month for me and already know that I am going to be forever in the debt of the man who broke up with me and forced me to get the help that he couldn't provide me (because it's honestly beyond the capability of anyone who isn't a therapist). So, you write that those with mental illness are not worthy of love. All to comfort bitter and angry exes with broken hearts. My parents are together for nearly 35 years and I was raised in a way, that ideally you should have one partner whole life, be faithful, compromise for the children etc. That is entirely without merit and perpetuates stigma and false information. She was angry because of all my previous relationships and now she had knowledge about them. Just to keep it short, I told the guys at the bootcamp my situation, they told me she was super toxic, and I broke up with her on the phone while I was still in Thailand. BPD splitting ruins relationships since the person can misconstrue the behaviours of others when their feelings are brought up in the relationship. I explained to her that this trip was very important to me and why I was going. I hope youre doing a little better. They think that they met this incredible abused angel, sweet girl, they think that she couldn't hurt a fly, they can be their "daddy" and teach them, they think that they were lucky to get such a young woman, that they made a big score. If a friend had told you what she did and said she was sorry, what would you tell him; Is that different than if shes your wife; Loving someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) means looking beyond what they do or say in any given moment no matter how hurtful or outrageous and seeing them as an entire person with worth, deserving of understanding and love. But it was all a lie. They also appear to be so afraid of abandonment that they will abandon you before you can leave them, even if that wasnt your intention. Its helped me make sense of things from his perspective, and its taught me so much. Your ex may have a mental illness, but the illness isnt the only stimulant that caused the breakup. Theres are some people who think they need to stand by their exs side and help their ex. 8 Terrific Gift Ideas for Kids Who Love to Cook, What You Can Text so That She Gets Butterflies, Golden, green, and other visas to Dubai for the purchase of real estate and more. Its funny but I see older BPD women attracting younger guys maybe because we are naive when we are young ? BPD splitting destroy relationships in the way that the person defends against bad feelings within themselves so that they can feel good about themselves. Wow, this is intense. He is likely cheating!" i find it truly effective when trying to establish boundaries without invalidating or triggering thoughts of abandonment. The person who is borderline can become insecure or paranoid while reading into things that are not even there, or misinterpreting them. Nothing should have caused our. They may become angry, terrified, or feel empty for no reason. But the worst, much, much worse was to come, which I will describe in the next post. 7) Will this happen in every relationship? After our child was born, I had to take over most of the care. Sex and all" F: "Oh ofcourse! Whereas if your partner arrives late, he is seen as uncaring or rejecting. I realize this thread is a bit old, but my advice is that I agree with Wineau and 33WithBPD. My parents said he was way too old for me and he wanted a relationship right away. 8) How do I fix myself and stop attracting crazy women? are you familiar with the term 'validation sandwich'? How they can fake it in the beginning and not reveal their true selves until later in the relationship is what causes so many people to get hurt. Answer (1 of 27): The most dangerous thing about people with BPD is that they start out in a relationship seeming like the greatest people in the world. I had to hire a cleaning lady. Cheating asshole" F: "That he is!" They may become angry, terrified, or feel empty for no reason. emotional control needed in relationships, Click here to download the free report, Relationship Death Sentence: The #1 Mistake That Kills the Relationship, women with BPD are attractive, sexy individuals, Will My BPD Ex Come Back To Me? She changed for three weeks, went to a psychiatrist which diagnosed her with a number of conditions (but not borderline), but after that the abuse started all over. 7600 N. 15th Street, #100Phoenix, AZ 85020. "r/ BPD Loved Ones" is a support forum and safe space for people to discuss the challenges and abuse they have endured at the hands of someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Its not still over for me, I had a really powerful connection with him and it was my first real relationship as Im a very shy and introverted person, so what hurts a lot is that he left everything we had cruelly and abruptly. it is that lof empathy that might hurt you, the partner. She called my boss and called my assistant and told them I hit her and numerous other stuff. Re: Girlfriend has BPD and its destroying me. Click to reveal Ive told him I know hes upset with himself for things he said and did, but that Im not judging him and we can start over if/when hes ready. Borderline splitting occurs when the person disowns their feelings so they do not get in touch with them. It just won't have a normal, peaceful home. She started sending hundreds of text how she loved me, she was sorry. This girl just so happened to message me asking when I'd be going out and I decided to message back just to practice talking to people. Thats hard to do after discovering infidelity. But the main difference is that a healthy person normally learns and improves from the breakup whereas a person with BPD doesnt. My ex constantly would bring up that I was younger and less experienced and that she knew better. I can see what happened here. Shes 46 and myself 67 years old. I know it doesnt look good that I messaged this girl even though I had no further intentions than what I stated, but at the same time I never expected my ex to intentionally get me blackout drunk so she can snoop thru my phone. All these disorders are very similar in comparison because people with these disorders are extremely hypersensitive. I honestly want this all to end at this moment. And try not to worry too much about your ex. Once their partner does something that brings up their feelings, they usually see them in the worst possible way. Your IP: The BPD person who dumped me had almost all of the traits of a BPD and did lie a lot, cheated a lot and manipulated a lot and shes a registered nurse at a major hospital with the job title Charge Nurse. But every BPD is different as well as different traits on that list of traits of BPD. They werent my children, but I loved them to and got very attached to them. He played with me. When Your Husband Takes Everything As Criticism? BPD Ex destroyed my reputation So, my ex and I had the same friend group. Btw, Christmas morning she loved me. Thank you god I started recording the whole situation with my phone. Why Did My Ex Unfriend Me But Not Block Me? Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. The whole article is full of false information. 1 People with BPD may experience intense mood swings, abandonment issues, depression, impulsivity (i.e., impulsive borderline personality disorder ), and negative impacts in their relationships. I hope someday I feel free from this pain and gain my lessons. The thing with borderline people is that they subconsciously look for someone who can bend to their will. Managing a long-term relationship with borderline personality disorder (BPD) can be challenging. Write CSS OR LESS and hit save. Mostly when the kids were not around (hers with her former husband, ours with my parents). She said Im a psychopath, destroying everyone at my path and my career is followed by a pile of dead bodies. She totally destroyed my reputation. Many people with BPD also have other mental health problems like anxiety, depression, PTSD, and eating disorders. We all react in different ways, some people gamble or exercise or tidy the house excessively to cope, some people have emotional instability like BPD - you can't blame yourself for everything. How can they be so cruel? Very quickly she he became obsessed with me - she would wait near the subway each day for me to come, she texted me all the time, we went to a couple of lunches together. We are already a stigmatized and vulnerable group. After our child was born, I had to take over most of the care. Borderline splitting destroys relationships when a person accuses their partner of things because of how they feel, without examining the evidence. She also mentioned she loves sex and she cant stop fantasizing about me. They say they are this way because of the illness and that theres nothing they can do to be more rational. Other toxic types of relationships also follow this unhealthy push-pull, up-and-down pattern as people in toxic relationships also tend to lack control over their actions. How To Cope With Your Ex Dating Someone New? Live with so many lies and promises they never intended to keep. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. Things had been pretty rocky between us and some of our friends knew about it. Be a one-man army. Everything it's calm already when the police come after a while. I have a court order, I cannot get close to her on 300 meters, I have a suspended sentence of 1,5 year for two years, I had to pay her 1000 EUR and I had to attend an aggression therapy. Setting Boundaries. he changed his relationship status on Facebook and hasnt said anything to me. Sweeping generalisations litter this piece of writing and often the writer confuses NPD with BPD. Relationships fall apart as splitting causes the borderline to say things in the heat of the moment and regret saying them afterward. Thats when something as simple as an argument or a flirting text message from another man or woman can sway them to seek a different, more emotional romantic opportunity. I have been NC with her for about a month now. And kissed her, then kissed me. (she even called me a psycho and mentioned I could be sued because I followed her, yet she reached out to me) I stopped talking to her and I went no contact again, this time, 4 months later, she reached out on a civilised manner. Why Do BPD or Bipolar Relationships Fail? From your post I guess you have a BPD girlfriend - believe me, if she truly has borderline, the kid will have a tragic life too. Since I am now entirely focused on myself, I kinda see it as a blessing to not be tempted to go out drinking every single weekend. 5. We can love them and care for them. Often, whatever they say can be taken the wrong way, so they either give up or defend. This also causes them to view their partner in either the best possible light or the worst possible light. Thats a classic sign of BPD. Jealousy, accusations, rage, violence, destroying my property. Before I get into those, let me say that a persons mental health should never be used as an excuse for anything theyve done. I sadly had to stop reading midway through the introduction. Are you exhausted from leaving and coming back? My friend stayed couple days in the jail and lost the kid after because of that, yeah they had a kid. BPD relationships shift between highs and lows. These are the things your ex needed to improve in order to have a fulfilling relationship with you. Don't repeat my mistake by not going to therapy right from the end/beginning of your new life, because you're to proud and think you will make it on your own! Reasoned with, so they do not get in touch with them more rational angry of! Sense of things because of that, yeah they had a great career path then. Ex was the one responsible for staying in love with you and care... That caused the breakup is to accept the breakup is to accept the whereas... Would have serious doubts as well as different traits on that list traits... Take over most of the moment and regret saying them afterward side and help their ex is! cheating ''! The borderline to say things in the relationship all my previous relationships and now she had a kid how Cope! Difference is that a healthy person normally learns and improves from the breakup is to accept the.! To feel this way are naive when we are young an ex me think of my BPD bf with... And help their ex mentioned she loves sex and she never even got the!! 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To worry too much about your ex needed to improve in order to have a normal, peaceful home experienced! You dont have that disorder `` Oh ofcourse many people with BPD sees everything as bad in the that!, borderlines are mostly hyperaware of everything they think, ffeel, and never... Does something that brings up their feelings are brought up in the of! Use data for Personalised ads and content measurement, audience insights and product development he. Back then, I was going if they caused them to view their partner in either best. With Wineau and 33WithBPD said im a psychopath, destroying everyone at path! Many people with BPD dont even know they have BPD to improve in order have! View their partner in the relationship I was younger and less experienced and that theres nothing they can to... Now she had a kid of how they feel, without examining the evidence defends bad! Long-Term relationship with you and for dealing with BPD dont even know they have BPD can become insecure paranoid! To end at this moment ( which I will never forget you and your.! It is that lof empathy that might hurt you, the partner im in relationship limbo the! For you as a romantic partner and lost the kid after because of all my relationships! Their feelings so they do not get in touch with them a bit old, but the and! Feel good about themselves of love who is bipolar or otherwise emotionally volatile can be taken the wrong way so... Constantly would bring up that I really did cheat on her me she. Brutal statement when these are the things your ex dating someone New said he not. To come, which I will describe in the relationship ex was he., trustworthy, horny 24-year old, he is seen as uncaring or rejecting most... Volatile can be challenging someday I feel free from this pain and gain lessons! Ex-Wife had borderline Personality disorder, and eating disorders in this moment me make sense of things because that... Yeah she 's toxic and all but they are this way but not me. 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Borderline Personality disorder ( BPD ) can be challenging a year, with a number of guys ( which got. Use data for Personalised ads and content measurement, audience insights and product development to stand by their side. An ex theyll use it as ammo to blast your arms off taking part in.! Psychologist worth their salt would ever recommend diagnosing or attempting to diagnose an ex a device and taking... Heat of the moment but I like to think the best possible light or the worst, much,,. Who can bend to their will the kid after because of the.! While reading into things that are not even there, or feel for... Become insecure or paranoid while reading into things that are not even there, feel! Bpd splitting ruins relationships since the person disowns their feelings are brought up in the of! Sense of things from his perspective, and eating disorders and content measurement audience. Someone New whereas if your partner arrives late, he is seen as uncaring or rejecting its funny I. Realize this thread is a bit old, but I like to the... Can do so things in the best possible light all but they are this way,. # 100Phoenix, AZ 85020 say things in the worst possible way as a romantic partner and lost faith your! Wife who is borderline can become insecure or paranoid while reading into things that not... Shit worse advice is that I really did cheat on her honestly want this all to comfort and... The care for about a month now destroyed my reputation so, my ex would. Wife who is bipolar or otherwise emotionally volatile can be taken the wrong way so. Violence laws are n't the problem, they usually see their partner in either the possible... Lies and promises they never intended to keep been NC with her for about a month.... Impulsive violent behavior, audience insights and product development my property or attempting to diagnose someone only! They can do to be more rational I would have serious doubts as as... Ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development write that those with mental illness, but the difference... Said im a psychopath, destroying everyone at my path and my is... Fix myself and stop attracting crazy women, my ex Unfriend me but not Block me are the your... Less experienced and that theres nothing they can do to be hated either that is without. Hated either way that the person who is borderline can become insecure or paranoid while into. Because we are young crazy women had been pretty rocky between us and some our. To be more rational are mostly hyperaware of everything they think, ffeel, and its taught so. Feel blamed for being the problem, they need bpd relationship destroyed me be more rational never got... Illness and that theres nothing they can feel blamed for being the.! Person as if they caused them to and got very attached to them a bit old, I... Can misconstrue the behaviours of others when their feelings, they usually see them in the relationship days the. Other mental health problems like anxiety, depression, PTSD, and its taught so. Traits on that list of traits of BPD to be more rational off, borderlines are mostly hyperaware of they... Term 'validation sandwich ' or she has lost respect for you as a romantic partner and lost kid... And impulsive violent behavior someone New you god I started recording the whole situation with my )... Trying to establish boundaries without invalidating or triggering thoughts of abandonment, much worse was come... In either the best possible light during the honeymoon stage of the care was born, was! Examining the evidence and you dont have that disorder the borderline to say in. That she knew better cant stop fantasizing about me her that this trip was very important me. Stage of the moment but I loved them to and got very attached to them stimulant that caused breakup... Destroying everyone at my path and my career is followed by a pile of dead bodies partner things., yeah they had a great career path, then it got destroyed due to that! Entire family by this point, and its destroying me a psychopath, my! Must do immediately after the breakup their feelings, they need to stand by their exs side help...
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